Question from a parent - I carry a lot of fear …..Can I raise a confident child?

Do you recall the famous quote from the classic film Sholay, “Jo dar gaya so mar gaya”? The concept of fear—an emotion that many struggle to face—is something that nobody desires to experience. Everyone yearns to exude confidence, so they can be seen in a positive light by others. Yet, countless parents harbour deep-seated fears within them. Often, without even realizing it, they inadvertently pass this fear on to their children.

They may not intend to allow fear to hold them back, but it can nonetheless create obstacles. Despite this, these parents aspire to raise children who are confident and self-assured, contrasting with their own insecurities.

So, what does it take to cultivate a confident child? Let's explore this with an analogy. Suppose you have a fear of swimming; avoiding water is not a productive approach. Instead, one must learn to navigate through it, viewing water as an ally rather than an adversary. Engaging with the water, playing within it, and mastering movement in every direction are essential steps to overcoming fear and learning to swim. This process symbolises the journey toward liberating oneself from fear.

Can we learn to treat fear as a companion rather than an opponent? Consider the purpose of fear in nature; what function does it serve? Fear can be understood in two dimensions: first, the reasons why it arises, and second, our reactions to it.

1.     Why does fear occur? Fear serves the vital role of keeping us vigilant. It manifests when we’re about to engage in something that makes us uncomfortable, potentially harmful, or beyond our usual boundaries. In such moments, fear prompts us to focus, exercise caution, and ensure that we are fully engaged and competent in our endeavours. Hence, fear’s function is not to hinder us but to enhance our alertness. It signals us when we need to make informed decisions. For instance, if you consider investing in the stock market, your friend might recommend a specific stock. However, your ‘friend’ fear will remind you of previous unsuccessful suggestions, encouraging you to investigate the fundamentals and seek advice from knowledgeable individuals before making a decision. In this scenario, fear acts as a protective ally, prompting your awareness rather than paralyzing you. When we allow fear to heighten our vigilance, analyse the situation, and then proceed wisely, it proves to be our greatest ally. Although it may feel intimidating, making informed decisions is the key.

2.     How do you react to fear? There is a well-known saying: ‘Courage is not the absence of fear but the ability to proceed despite it.’ Next time you are with your children, engage them in this discussion:

• Understanding that fear is not a signal to halt but a cue to stay aware.

• Emphasizing that fear can be akin to a friend, and it’s completely normal to experience it.

• Highlighting that the purpose of fear is to engage our intellect rather than to paralyze us.

If your children walk home from school, encourage conversations about their experiences. If they mention that a teacher is doing a commendable job, prompt them to express their gratitude. Suggest they pen a small note of appreciation. Be prepared for unexpected responses—your children may fear teasing from friends or worry about the teacher’s reaction. Recognizing these fears is important; they reflect a level of awareness and sensitivity. However, when someone performs well, should we not acknowledge their efforts? If you accomplish something worthwhile, wouldn’t you appreciate recognition? Appreciating others is inherently good, so guide your children on how to handle these fears and move forward to commend their teacher.

Though they may feel a wave of anxiety while expressing their gratitude, encourage them to push through that discomfort. Teasing from friends may occur, but the teacher will likely welcome their appreciation. Most significantly, your child will be breaking free from the limitations imposed by their fears.

Conquering fear is a gradual process—it cannot be accomplished all at once. Each small step toward overcoming fear builds courage while diminishing its power. Even if progress is slow, that’s perfectly acceptable. Consistency in facing fears, even in small increments, will eventually instil courage in your child.

Final Thoughts Regardless of your own fears, you can still nurture a confident child. By diligently applying the strategies discussed, you can transform into a more self-assured individual, gradually overcoming your fears. As you face your own challenges, your child will observe and be inspired to navigate their own journey of overcoming fear, empowering them to embark on a confident path in life.