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Tough Love vs. Rough Love: Which One Are You Practicing?

  • Writer: Mona Chadda
    Mona Chadda
  • Oct 11, 2024
  • 2 min read



As modern-day parents, we are often hard-wired to protect our children from harm or discomfort. I bet our parents didn’t worry so much about us when we were growing up. They let us fall, get hurt, and figure things out. Sometimes, allowing kids to experience little moments of disappointment and frustration is essential. These moments help drive home important lessons. For strong-willed kids, tough love may be the best way forward.


So, what exactly is tough love?

Tough love involves handling difficult situations in parenting with patience, empathy, absolute steadfastness, respect, and love. It’s about maintaining boundaries while still being supportive. Here’s a helpful acronym for ‘tough love’: PEARL.


• P – Be Patient.

• E – Show Empathy for their emotions.

• A – Stay Absolutely steadfast, unmoved by tantrums.

• R – Treat them with Respect in your behavior and tone.

• L – Continue to Love them, no matter what.


Now, picture a child who screams when they’re upset or angry. Telling them sternly, “Stop screaming!” or, worse, yelling at them in frustration is useless. That’s rough love.


In contrast, tough love means understanding the child’s struggle but knowing it’s necessary for them to face it. You let go when you have to, and you hold on when you need to. That’s tough love.


How Does Tough Love Work?

Tough love works by clearly conveying that while you love your child, their behavior is not okay. You express your displeasure and the reasons behind it, with respect and dignity. It helps kids realize they need to accept the consequences of their choices.


Tough love says, “I love you, but I’m also going to respectfully and lovingly guide you in learning and growing.”

When you stand firm with tough love, your child might be upset with you temporarily. But that frustration will pass. Over time, they begin to understand why their parents—who love them so much—are guiding them to see things in a particular way.


On the Other Hand…

Rough love involves harsh disciplinary techniques: screaming, hitting, insulting, or calling your child names to impose rules. It’s the kind of discipline that leaves deep emotional scars, causing kids to struggle with low self-esteem.

In rough love, a child’s emotional pain may turn into self-doubt and insecurity. Over time, this can have lasting negative effects on their development.


Tough Love Heals

Tough love, on the other hand, heals. It helps build healthy self-esteem in your kids because it comes from a place of understanding and unconditional love. You guide them while holding them accountable, allowing them to grow stronger.

So, the question is: What would you like to practice? Tough love or rough love?


The choice can make all the difference in shaping how your child grows, both emotionally and mentally.

 
 
 

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